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| I see fat people...and I love it! By Nathan Donahue Disclaimer: If you are grossly overweight and are sensitive about the topic, do not read below. You will hate me and be offended. I don't really care if you are offended, but I am at least giving you warning. My girlfriend has this obsession about going to Wal-Mart every single Saturday afternoon. I don't know how she does it, but every weekend, "we have to go to Wal-Mart". Now, I absolutely hate going there, I will do anything I can to avoid it but I always get dragged along. For the uninitiated, going to Wal-Mart is a damn scary event! You will see the absolute dregs of society waddling through the aisles with there grubby kids in tow. After the fear subsides and you realize these deal hunting creatures are harmless, you will start to feel a strange sensation. Fear not, that sensation is perfectly normal for any individual who brushes his or teeth, combs his or her hair, and has heard of the word exercise. That sensation you are feeling is called superiority....and it is an awesome feeling. I mean seriously, whenever I go to Wal-Mart, I feel like the leanest, handsomest SOB in the world. I am the last physically fit man on planet earth? Of course not, but in Wal-Mart, I start to think I am. How is it possible that every single woman in the store, other than my lovely girlfriend, is so incredibly fat! And by fat, I mean holy @#$% that lady is fat! I saw a lady there the other day wearing blue tights, a black t-shirt with the picture of a wolf on it, and she was so fat she was leaning on the shopping cart wheezing. Folks, she wasn't moving, just leaning...and wheezing. Standing was literally too difficult for her. These gigantic creatures reminiscent of the Jurassic Period are what TC from www.t-nation.com calls Blue Whales. Blue tights, t-shirt, cankles, and 400 lbs of tabloid magazine wearing sexiness. And folks, they are the future of Western Civilization. The obesity crisis in North America is so bad that regular fat people aren't even fat, their just normal. People that are so fat they ride those fat people scooters are now the new fat people. Like 30 is the new 20, 400 lbs is the 250 lbs. Back to my title, And I Love it, I must say that all this fatness makes me feel pretty darn good. Why? Well, as I stated above, it makes me feel superior for keeping in shape and eating well. But also, it reassures me that the fitness and weight loss industry has lots of potential clients and money to make. All those fat people want to lose weight, I should hope, and there are plenty of nice people like me to make a living off them. So keep on keeping on Blue Whales, I'll be here for you when you are ready to give up your slovenly ways and turn to the light! |
